Feedback for Experiment Y

[Faustas]

This is the feedback page for Experiment Y, this is my first story so if it isn't professionally made, I'm sorry :p

Original link: http://pastelland.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=822

Description:
Experiment Y is a Experiment which involves in Submachine type of project by an unknown person on Discord which send people the file, and causes this entire disaster, I try to unwrap all the stuff that is happening and what is the cause of this. (This is the current description right now, i can't think of a different description xD, sorry)

[Sundex]

XD. The title though. It sounds like a synonym for my dead project.

[Faustas]

XD. The title though. It sounds like a synonym for my dead project.

This is what happens when you run out of title names and you are really rubbish at names, oh well xD

[Sundex]

No biggie. As long as you didn't steal the plot, you'll be fine. I'll start actually reading and let the title slide

[Faustas]

No biggie. As long as you didn't steal the plot, you'll be fine. I'll start actually reading and let the title slide

It's sort of a alternate universe from your project, atleist i think it is like that imo

[Anteroinen]

You should probably separate this into a couple different paragraphs, right now this is a bit hard on the eyes. There's also a few cases of missed capitalization.

Also, it'd look better if you actually added the binary onto the story as an image file. That would look better than the full link. It is pretty easy with the image tags and the image address:



Also:

i didn’t want to reopen the thing because i was practically lazy.

This is not really good for making the reader feel empathy with you. You could've for example at least "taken a screenshot" of some text you had translated to binary and put into Paint or something (you know, to create the illusion of a flash game screenshot), so that those really invested can go and find out the "Easter egg". Something like this:

thistextdoesn'tactuallysaywhatitoldyouitsaid.png (7.37 KiB) Viewed 12836 times

I just wrote "Potatoes are the best food" into a text to binary translator, and this took about a minute. If you're going to tell a story about a freaky computer experience to us, fake screenshots would create a layer of credibility and effort, so I recommend it.

[Faustas]

You should probably separate this into a couple different paragraphs, right now this is a bit hard on the eyes. There's also a few cases of missed capitalization.

Yeah, tho I don't think it's a really good decision to make 2 stories in 20 chapters, tho it might not look as like it is that hard, i'm trying to release these chapters everyday whilst stockpiling them :p. Also yeah the reason why there's some problems with grammer is that I'm not really professional at English, I'm from Lithuanian (close to russia) Probably should have told that before i wrote the story, eh whatever.

Also, it'd look better if you actually added the binary onto the story as an image file. That would look better than the full link. It is pretty easy with the image tags and the image address:

Yes, Didn't really look through the options so, it's just me being stupid :p Fixed (maybe you must wait 20 minutes before i posted this picture because it won't happen instantly xD)

i didn’t want to reopen the thing because i was practically lazy.

This is not really good for making the reader feel empathy with you. You could've for example at least "taken a screenshot" of some text you had translated to binary and put into Paint or something (you know, to create the illusion of a flash game screenshot), so that those really invested can go and find out the "Easter egg". Something like this:

thistextdoesn'tactuallysaywhatitoldyouitsaid.png

I just wrote "Potatoes are the best food" into a text to binary translator, and this took about a minute. If you're going to tell a story about a freaky computer experience to us, fake screenshots would create a layer of credibility and effort, so I recommend it.

That's actually for chapter 2 or 3, you got to it earlier before i even released it xD, oh well. Also, I mean there are some programs that might do that, but I don't actually know, and i'll think of it later on.

[Faustas]

All right, realised Chapter 3 for Experiment Y, imo the chapter is a bit of a let down, idk why. Also I didn't stockpile Chapter 4 yet D: i will have to write 3 chapters, Chapter 4,5,6 because of that, it's what i deserve :p

[Faustas]

IS EXPERIMENT Y DEAD ?!?!?!?

No, it's not dead. I just had a big event happening and it really bummed me out, and couldn't focus on Experiment Y, im going to continue with the daily stockpiling if everything will be good. If you see Experiment Y being inactive. That means that i'm basically bummed out, unless there is an ending - im planning to continue it